SeniorMatch.com - #1 Senior Dating Site For 50 Plus Singles
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Senior Match Com - #1 Senior Dating Site For 50 Plus Singles
Senior Match UK – online dating for singles over 50
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Not a member yet? Join Now! SeniorMatch has been in the online dating business for over 19 years! Our unique features, thousands of members, and many success stories make this the place to meet someone special. Senior Match Review. Visit Site. SeniorMatch.com was developed in 2003 to help single adults search and find other singles who share a common interest. SeniorMatch.com is ranked among the top senior dating sites aimed at linking or generating communication between seniors most preferably over the age of fifty. This online dating site is ... Senior Dating at SeniorMatch.com. The largest and most effective senior dating site for baby boomers and seniors! SeniorMatch focuses on users over 50 years of age and does not allow members under the age of 45. By doing so, we maintain a consistent age range dedicated specifically to mature members interested in meeting others online. Senior Match Com is completely committed to matching 50 plus senior people who are looking for a friend, date or serious relationship. With an average of 500 new members per day, Senior Match Com has grown to become the biggest and most active senior dating site covering the USA, Canada, UK, Australia and all over developed countries. Senior dating is a special concept for dating for people ... Find Your Senior Match Today! Seniors Meet People On The Largest Older Dating Site. Mature Dating Starts Here. 8 reviews for SeniorMatch, 2.5 stars: 'It's really a nice website.On SeniorMatch, I found my dream lover. I'm not a young girl, but the feeling of love is still fresh.In recent years, I joined many senior club, but I did not met my right person for some reasons. I'm so lucky to met my Mr Right here!' With thousands of active members on every month, Senior Match offers a fun and exciting 50 plus community where older singles have a place to search for dates and interact with others. Positives of SeniorMatch. These are the best parts of SeniorMatch. Senior Match Com is completely committed to matching 50 plus senior people who are looking for a friend, date or serious relationship. Not Senior Match. This is a misrepresentation and is actually E-Harmony. Unable to contact a human being for questions to clarify anything about the contracts or services. Customer Service Chat is represented as a real person but is actually a bot that when you ask how to speak to a real human being, is designed to refer you to a page that ... Join Senior Match today to start your search for the perfect match. Sometimes when you move to a new area it can be difficult to make new friends and find a potential partner …so why not start by looking for new friends online at Senior Match. Dating for the over 50s can be hard, and there are many reasons to be a senior single - bereavement ...
2013.03.14 12:27 DocfeelbadDFB: Germany's senior national team as well as DFB's youth teams
Everything about the past, present and future of the German National Team, internationally known as 'Die Mannschaft'. This subreddit is for submissions about Germany's senior team (A-Nationalmannschaft) as well as about the DFB youth teams (and sometimes about the women's team)
2020.09.30 20:50 TheNDAGuyNDA's helpdesk job is still open!
Hi there everyone, Just a reminder that our helpdesk job is still accepting applications. Full text of job description below. Thanks! Network Design Associates, Inc. has an exciting opportunity for an individual to be part of our network engineering team. NDA provides IT services and support to a diverse selection of clients in the greater Sacramento area. Our team includes an array of senior level network engineers, help desk, service management, and administrative support. We provide an environment loaded with knowledge and experience for all team members to rely upon. The Windows Helpdesk position focuses on supporting clients with server and desktop issues, as well as ticket escalation from other helpdesk staff, monitoring, and automated ticket resolution. The Windows Helpdesk position will work with clients to identify and remediate issues with Windows desktops and occasionally servers with remote support tools. These resolutions will involve autonomous work or coordinating other resources within NDA. We are seeking a Help Desk Technician who has great people skills, outstanding organization, great writing skills, excellent troubleshooting abilities, a strong work ethic, and a broad range of desktop and light network administration experience. This person needs to be able to correctly categorize problems quickly and either fix them or engage someone to correct them. Additionally, this person must accurately and consistently document their time working on tickets. Daily responsibilities will include using the ticket management system to prioritize work, assisting end users with their problems, assisting the Network Manager for network support, light network administration, teaching end users, reviewing logs daily to identify errors, and other support tasks and projects as needed. The qualified candidate will have strong current skills in the following areas:
User Login/Access Issues
Application support for common line of business applications
Network PrinteScanneFax Problems
Additional Desired skills include the following: 1. Windows Server 2016/2012, VMware, and RDS 2. Network Security-Firewall/VPN/AntiMalware/Policies 3. Scripting and automating procedures 4. Apple device support 5. Connectwise Automate experience is a significant plus. We offer Medical/Dental, a 401K with employer match, paid company holidays, vacation, and sick time, among other benefits. Please email your resume to [email protected]. Please include "Help Desk Technician" in the subject line of your email. NDA is not looking for remote candidates beyond the Sacramento region at this time.
2020.09.30 19:28 beefcake_123Lost your job recently? Looking for a new challenge? Don't mind moving down to DC and working for Uncle Sam? Made it to at least senior in Big 4? My agency is hiring. Role closes on 10/5!
My agency (Department of the Treasury OIG) is on a hiring binge (I was hired recently here from a different federal agency) and is currently hiring 5 GS-13 level auditors (think audit senior) to tackle mandates and performance audits around the CARES Act (and any future stimulus that is passed that might involve Treasury). The starting salary for this role is $102,663. You can see the role here: https://www.usajobs.gov/GetJob/ViewDetails/579309700 Everyone is starting virtually in COVID times (you will need to come into DC to pick up your laptop and badge) but I know people who have started who aren't living in DC yet. I estimate that the agency will not be coming into the office for at least another year. We have a nice office by McPherson Square in DC, steps away from the White House and various other attractions. Positions are direct-hire, so the usual veteran's preference do not apply. We've had a few ex-Big 4 people start recently too. What are the benefits of working for the federal government? You get 13 days of vacation a year to start, 5% match on the TSP (government 401K), a great selection of health insurance plans, and a pension called FERS (Federal Employees Retirement System). You can see this and more on the USA.gov website: https://www.usa.gov/benefits-for-federal-employees
Over the years we've tried to increase the resources at a user's disposal if they are in trouble. We created the AutoMod trigger for suicidal/MH Crisis posts, and it contains a variety of resources. Regular users have come to know this trigger, and that it can manually be triggered by saying 'suicide resources' or 'suicide bot' in a comment. The community has also been extremely helpful when it comes to posts where a SM is in distress. People regularly leave comments of encouragement, and offer their time to connect with others who are having issues. I appreciate the community being so open to these posts, and providing support people might need. These posts, largely, are really just individuals experiencing kinda normal 'Army distress', or feeling like they have no where to turn. Often times they need help finding resources, are unsure how to navigate the Army system, aren't 'how' to go to BH, etc. They just need either a place to vent, someone to talk to, or just some amount of assistance. I know that there have been significant incidents in the past, where people have reached out and connected one-on-one with individuals. I know that's gone as far as contacting the individual SM on the phone and convincing them to get help, or putting them directly in touch with a local POC. If you feel like you need that kind of help, don't be afraid to ask. But if you just need to vent about how your unit is dragging you down, or how off-post inspections and excessive leader books eat in to your morale...That's cool too. Follow-up on 9/21 Suicidal Post BLUF: Individual is safe, alive, and in contact with appropriate resources. On 9/21 we had a post that was notably different than the 'regular' posts we get. I don't want to directly link to the now self-deleted post, as the individual has chosen to delete the post, and I want to respect their privacy further since they did not delete their account. I would ask that you not identify the individual or link to the post here in this thread please. They also did post an update a week later, thanking the community for their assistance, and urging others experiencing distress to seek help. This individual said, directly, that they were going to be ending their life that day. They said they had already emailed their suicide note to their GF, and had planned it out. They talked about their experience, and their father's, and asked that individuals send their father certain effects as a form of support, as he was also a veteran. I know that many individuals were troubled by this post, as many made attempts to try to identify the OP (even making separate threads), and several people sent modmails. What I didn't share with the group is that right after that post, the individual messaged the moderators with additional information (Some basic PII for his father), that he hoped would be shared by the mods after he had passed. I happened to be on reddit right as this post/modmail came in, and jumped on it, and it's why I let people know I was on it, and removed the posts attempting to identify the OP. The post was made at 1123 EST, the modmail came in at 1124 EST. I messaged with my contact info, urging them to reach out, and several users began to respond to the post. I used the report system to report to reddit that someone was threatening self harm. If you are unfamiliar with this, any user may report a post or comment for potential self harm and do the following; Report -> Other Issues -> Someone is considering suicide or serious self-harm -> It will then ask you if you want reddit to connect them with the Crisis Text Line. You can also do this from anyone's reddit profile. Between the information on their post, account, and what they modmailed, it did not take long to identify the OP. I reached out to another user to help me search (Who asked not to be identified by user name, but I appreciate him and he knows it) based on the parameters. Through HRC white pages / AKO searching, we identified someone who fit the PII, as well as certain other references in the post, and whose HOR matched the address given for his father. We tried phone numbers found there and through google, but were met with little success. This took about 20 minutes. I first made a call at 1153 to the Army G1 Suicide Prevention Office, and there was no answer. I struck out similarly trying the main G1 number. Which, I get. They're not 24/7 staffed, anyone can step away or be busy for 30 seconds. I wanted to try the DEFENSE Suicide Prevention Office, https://www.dspo.mil/, but their contact page throws a 404 error. This displeases me greatly. A week later? Still not fixed. Go to their site, click on contact at the bottom of the page. https://www.dspo.mil/Contact.aspx is the link. It 404's. Disgusting. Feeling like I was running out of options, I called the HRC CO's Office, and spoke with an officer in his office. Through Phone/Email we were able to exchange information and they began trying to make contact with appropriate individuals. The user's AKO profile didn't list a unit, so there was no greater 'direct' information that I could obtain, which is why it needed HRC's help. Google searches using open source info didn't yield usable numbers, so it genuinely required someone with that kind of informational access. Feeling like I had exhausted what I could do, I hoped the Army would have better luck. I had sent a few PMs that weren't returned. I know they contacted the individual's unit, local PD, and sent individuals to make face to face contact. I believe his unit had a working cell number. I do apologize for 'shutting down' people who were looking to identify the user, but we had significant PII off the bat, and confirmed the user rather quickly. I wanted to avoid any mis-identification, but also prevent anything that might run afoul of reddit rules. I appreciate people taking me at my word when I said we were handling it. The end result is; They found the user unharmed, and escorted to treatment. From their follow-up, they are doing much better. A Brief QA Why am I bringing this up? What are some take-aways? What are some learning points, or something we have questions on? I am having a mental health crisis, but don't want to tell my command I understand. That's why this sub provides support and resources to help you with your struggle. I have no interest in telling your command about your problems. We get lots of mental health posts - but few posts that seem like I'm-about-to-do-it 'suicide' posts. Someone with a plan, who's taken certain steps, and has modmailed PII? That seems extremely serious. I hope the community at large can understand why that situation is a 'need to act'. Some people's posts are more troubling than others, and at times the best you can do is try to 'keep up' with them, or tag them to talk to them later on. There's a regular user on here who I know who has been having MH issues, who I try to PM on occasion. They've had little to no luck with local resources - Chaplain, BH, etc, have not helped - and I don't know how to help them further other than by checking in on them. It worries me that one day they'll stop posting and I'm going to see an article about another suicide at Hood. When someone goes to a Chaplain, and comes back feeling worse, where does that young Soldier go? When they know they're spiraling out, and their negative perforamnce is making their unit look at them like a dirtbag, but BH doesn't prescribe medication, the therapy isn't working and they feel is making them feel worse, and the Patient Advocate doesn't help them get a new therapist, what is he supposed to do? His unit may just see someone failing. He knows they see that, and he wants to stop, but he needs assistance, and can't get it locally...So how do you fix that? So what do I do about that Big Army? Where do I send him when things are failing him like this, and he's gotten to a unit that only knows his failures? It can feel hopeless. But when it gets to the point where a non-throwaway account is committing to suicide in that manner, something has to be done. Please know that this is always a safe place to come vent, rage, or share your troubles with the system. Are you like the suicide resource person here? No. I, as well as the rest of the mod team, have endeavored to increase access to resources, and have been receptive to outreach efforts like when justinwatt posted for the VA's Making the Connection, and the various individuals who post surveys for medical research aimed at mental health problems. I was literally just here that morning. I was here when the post was made and the modmail came in. I immediately told the other mods in our chat that I was on it, simply not to duplicate effort, and control the flow of information. Other mods have been involved in incidents where they also took action to provide people help, and have gotten on the phone to make that happen. What was your take away from this experience? That while we continue to dedicate resources to suicide prevention, we need to do better. I understand the best way would be to prevent the situation that leads people to be at this crisis point, but I'm not naive. If you see someone on here threatening to kill themselves, who do you go to? If you see an old Army buddy on Facebook saying his goodbyes, he's going to end it, who are you calling? What if you don't know his current unit? What if his AKO wasn't updated? What if he's a Reservist, so you don't know if he's home, mobilized, on AT, on AGR, etc? What if he lives in one state, and belongs to a unit in another state? What if you don't know his current address, so you don't know which PD to call? Crisis lines help the 'people in need'? Who do you go to for this kind of issue? That was my issue. Do I send an email? By the time that'll get resolved, it's probably too late. My feeling is a support line that people would feel comfortable using anonymously, but provides a person who 'understands' the Army environment would be extremely beneficial. People want someone in the Army who they can connect with on that level, won't "report" it, but that they don't have to identify themselves to using their name/number - I sometimes think an online function would be better than a phone number. All the resources that the Army touts seem to be primarily external ones. They're suicide organizations that can help, but sometimes it seems like we're putting the responsibilities on others instead of attacking it head-on. In my mind, having a place where I could report this kind of thing would help. What if no mods are around next time? Several users tried to organize and rally to identify them. I appreciate you. But what then? Maybe you get close. Maybe you manage to identify that individual using open source means, tying this username to the other social media accounts we found. Are you, PFC Snuffy, OK calling up the HRC CO's office and saying "Hey I'm from the internet" to someone unfamiliar with reddit? If you're more Senior and say "I wouldn't give a shit", I'm with you -- but consider it from the average person's perspective. Is a younger, or junior person, going to feel as comfortable? Will they feel a little intimidated making that call? How are they going to feel when no one is picking up on the first few numbers? And how does that call go? "Hey I'm from the internet, and I have an issue"? You sure the person on the other end will take you seriously? I think that all those considerations can be a barrier that will deter plenty of people from making that call. I called two numbers for offices dealing with suicide prevention to no avail, and couldn't contact the Defense One. This worked this time. The OP was found, alive, and taken to receive help. What if I'm not here? What if all the mods are busy during the middle of the day? What if, missing some key info that was modmailed, userbase isn't able to rally? What if the Officer who picks up the phone blows you off, because they're wholly unfamiliar with reddit? There are some glaring deficiencies in the system for support and reporting. I have to wonder if this also crosses over into 'how would we rate someone' for that. What's your -ER look like for being the Internet LNO? We've talked on here before about some of the things that would probably greatly aid recruiting -- but it seems like when we can't metric it, measure it, and give hard-numbers in a result orientated environment Big Army won't go for it. Why are you making this post Welp, it's possible we might hear a bit more on the incident. I did get contacted by someone at the component HQ on a different day to fill in some details about the incident; I don't know if they're looking to highlight certain events during SPM. They did recently with the article on the two BCT trainees who stopped a third individual from hanging themselves. I would prefer to be in front of something that may pop-up, and be transparent with the community, as I know 'The Army Looking At The Internet' can be a touchy subject. With that knowledge, it's possible that I might have the ability to speak more on this situation, and this topic (people making suicidal posts, etc) to someone in a position that matters. What I'd like to know from the community is, is there anything you think would be useful, that isn't being done right now? Do you have a solution for some of the things I've talked about? Do I need to push for Gray_Harman to be made the Army's Official Internet Mental Health LNO? I'm sure plenty of people have run in to shit Chaplains and shit Behavioral Health people. Not getting appointments or what you want out of them, I sometimes feel is part of the problem with the medical system/providers themselves, more on a regional/individual basis. So if you can think of something more along the lines of bigger-policy (and not, Provider X at Fort Irwin sucks hard), or 'what would benefit us' out here on the internet, I want to hear it. Today is Suicide Prevention Month. Tomorrow is not. Tomorrow I don't know if the type of articles and awareness and giving-a-shit we saw this month goes away overnight. But our support, and what we need to do, doesn't end with Suicide Prevention Month. Support doesn't end after that moment of crisis where someone is considering taking their life. Intervening before there's an issue, and taking action when there is, is important. But so is the follow-up. So is checking in on those individuals, and making sure the support for them doesn't end just because 'they're out of the woods'. In closing; I appreciate our userbase. Thanks guys. Thanks for coming together on these types of issues, for taking your time to talk to internet strangers, and lending your support. If you are struggling; please get help if you need it. There are resources out there, there are people out there. Reach out.
Hi guys, I created a service that sends personalized cards to seniors on a monthly basis called Cards for Grandma. I created it after seeing the positive effects receiving cards had on my own grandma, who was struggling from the newfound isolation Covid visitation restrictions brought upon her. I create lighthearted 500 character paragraphs for the inside and make the design on the outside match the given mailings theme. The cards contents change every mailing so no designs and paragraphs are ever repeated. They're a timeless way of reminding seniors that they're loved, appreciated, and far from alone. I use a 3rd parties robots holding real pens to "write" the cards so each one has the handwritten look and feel while still being able to reach as many customers for the lowest price. I would appreciate if you checked the website out and gave any feedback/criticism you have. I'm trying my best to spread the word while fine tuning the service to ensure its the best it can be. You can find us at cardsforgrandma.com All the best
2020.09.30 04:29 allumeusendI am 39 years old (today!), working in retail data analyst and make $86K ($330K joint HHI) in Long Island, NY
I apologize in advance if this is too long! I clearly inherited the gab. Section One: Debts and Assets Retirement: $238K, with the majority in 401(k) and $16K in a Roth IRA. Joint total retirement savings with my husband’s accounts is $480K. We are a bit behind where we would like to be; my husband didn’t have access to retirement through work for nearly a decade but we were income limited out of a lot of options. Neither of us has a match thru our employer; his company doesn’t offer one and mine just cancelled ours as a result of the pandemic. Home Equity: $344K. We bought our home five years ago. Mortgage: $351K. Savings Account Balances: $108K. This is sitting in a Marcus HYSA and is across all our accounts. We keep an emergency fund of $60K and the rest are all in dedicated sinking funds for vacations, Christmas presents, home updates etc. Brokerage Account: $146K, mostly in ETFs. Robinhood Account: $4.7K. I split this off since I use this basically as my savings for one big frivolous purchase a year. Right now, the plan is to use this for my next luxury handbag. Checking: $3K currently. We keep minimal amounts in checking. Credit card debt: None. We put nearly all expenses on our rewards cards for the points and pay off bi-monthly. Student loans: None. We paid off all our student loans 8 years ago! We recently received a $40K inheritance from the passing of my husband’s aunt—we invested $10K of it and donated $2K of it (so far) to charity. The remainder of it is sitting in our HYSA while we figure out what to do with the rest, particularly what charities to send more money to. Section Two: Income Income progression: I have been working on the corporate side of retail for 14 years. I originally started in allocation and planning before moving into a strategic planning role, doing client and pricing analysis. My starting salary was $42K in the Midwest. We relocated to NYC after he graduated, and I took an allocation job for an accessories brand here in NYC for $52K. I stayed at that job for three years—two years too long—where I unfortunately cycled through 8 bosses without ever changing jobs or roles. None of them lasted more than a few months before leaving. That made it impossible to get promoted; no one stuck around in charge of our team long enough to ever get to know anyone long enough to recommend a promotion. It was incredibly demoralizing and staying there after boss #4, starting to see the pattern, is my single biggest career regret. It absolutely set my career back having been complacent, not knowing my worth, and not leaving for a promotion earlier. I was at my next job at a mega big brand for 6 years, starting at $57K and worked my way up through several positions before finally leaving to completely change focus into analytics 4 years ago. That job came with a 20% raise to my current salary. Unfortunately, my current company has been underwater the entire time I have been here and is in serious trouble in the midst of Covid, which means salary freezes, delayed or no bonus, and no chance of promotion. I spent four months on unpaid furlough during this time. I have never received a raise in the four years I have been here. My paycheck: $2.6K after deductions and taxes. I max 401(K) and HSA, plus $460 a month for insurance. Deductions are far higher right now because of the four month furlough; I am still trying to get to the max for the year on far fewer paychecks, and I also have to pay back a portion of my health insurance from during the furlough. I also over withhold taxes to cover any interest income for the year from savings and investments. My husband’s paycheck: $20K a month. He is a junior partner at a small law firm. As a partner, he is considered self employed and taxes are not withheld from his pay; we pay quarterly. We put this money aside each check to do so after he is paid. Section Three: Expenses Mortgage/Escrow: $3250. It is Long Island, so our monthly contribution to escrow for taxes is actually quite a bit higher than our mortgage, even with annual grieving. Taxes: $6500, to cover my husband’s income taxes, self employment taxes and both sides of FICA. Savings: $900 to sinking funds. We are heavy on cash right now so we are not contributing further and directing all spare cash to investments. We save for vacation, Christmas and home improvements each month. Investments: $2000-$2500, depending on how spend-y we are in a month. Cable: $198 Phone: $200 (for three lines and my Apple Watch) Electric: $100-200 right now depending on AC Water: $150-200 Gas: $10-25 (since it is not winter, the electric and gas flip) Car payment: $379 (one car under lease, one paid off completely) Insurance: $120 Gas: $25-50 Prescriptions: $50 Streaming (Netflix/Hulu/Disney +, uggh, Peacock): $55 Landscaper: $200 (we are both too lazy and too busy to mow our own lawn/garden and will freely admit it) Hair color: $200-ish. I am adding this as its own line because I actually budget for it even if it seems frivolous . I went prematurely grey by the age of 25. My hair is completely white and I get my hair colored every three weeks because that is when it becomes extremely noticeable except during the pandemic, which grey ombré became the hot new look around our house. I did not get my hair colored during this week and it felt like cheating if I didn’t include this typically planned expense. Charitable Giving: $800. We donate $50/month to the following: Stonewall Community Foundation, Christian Appalachia Project, our local food bank, Give Directly (which literally just gives people in need money with no strings), and Heifer International. We also donate $400 a month to a charitable trust we set up to build towards a large scale gift in the future, and donate throughout the month to causes as they come up. Annually, we give $2K to a theater company we are on the board of governors for, $1K to my husband’s former high school, and $500 to our college alma mater. We are trying to ramp up our giving even more each year. Money Diary: Tuesday (Spent = $80.55) 8am--drag self out of bed, make myself a coffee with pumpkin spice oat milk and pack up a bag of food for my husband J. He worked one week in the office and one week from home and has a mini fridge, so I always send him in with a bunch of snacks in addition to what he brings in for lunch so he can minimize the amount of time he is out inside of his own office and stay socially distant. 9am--log in to work and discover a software issue is keeping me from getting anything done. Spend next hour on the phone working to get it fixed while wanting to bang head against the table. 10am--back to back meetings. Turn off video during the meetings so that I can eat some left over stirfry and not look silly on camera. 2pm--finally off Zoom and take a minute to go the NYS DMV site and renew my drivers license. ($80.55; why such a weird number NY?) 3pm--buckle down for several hours of analysis. Endless spreadsheets. 6pm--take a break to take a walk around the neighborhood. Listen to Pod Save America and count squirrels--is 51 squirrels over a one mile walk too many squirrels for one neighborhood? Get home and make two nights worth of dinner since I already know tomorrow night will be insane. Double batch Chicken parm pasta with broccoli. 7pm--Eat my dinner as J finally gets home. Settle onto the coach and turn on Netflix to watch Parks and Rec while I work. 1am--Finally pencil down and lights out. Wednesday (Spent = $0) 7am –wake up and lay in bed for a while. Submit my answers for the last day of Learned League and sign up for next season. I have a feeling I am getting booted out of the top Rundle based on my poor performance this season (I am currently on the bubble). Score a 5 of 6 and hope that my opponent knows nothing about country music. 7:30-get ready for the day and make myself some coffee. Make a note that I need more pumpkin spice oat milk. Sign into work and start re-pulling my analysis from yesterday with the updated client data. 9am—turn on MSNBC to watch the memorial services for RBG at the Supreme Court while working through the start of my client deck for tomorrow. I have a frustratingly large amount to do today, like almost all Wednesdays. 11:30 am—take a short break to Slack with my only other team member with some complaints about our boss and the recent changes in our roles and responsibilities (our entire team changed roles altogether as part of the reorganization of the company.)Considering how bleak the job market in retail (even on the corporate side) is right now, we are both nervous to complain to anyone about how poorly this change is going for our team. 12pm—take a walk around my usual loop in the neighborhood and make a bologna sandwich. Get changed out of my pajamas (yes, I walked around the neighborhood in them, don’t judge) and put on make-up for my Zoom calls this afternoon. Throw on my headphones and plow through as much work as possible before meeting with my manager. 2pm—meeting with my manager to review the breakouts for tomorrow’s meeting. Always a frustrating experience because she interrupts me constantly to berate me for not doing something or analyzing something that was literally in the middle of explaining to her. 3pm—Take a half hour break to clear my head after my meeting before resuming work on my presentation deck for tomorrow. 6pm—take my evening walk while listening to some football podcasts (reviving my anger at NBC for moving EPL to Peacock Premium!), take a long hot bath with Epsom salt, foam roll my bad shoulder, and come back and eat leftover chicken parm for dinner with a small salad. 8pm—resume working on presentation for tomorrow while watching Parks and Rec in the background. Considering the possibility of a block of pure sugar like NutriYums would be really useful. Throw some laundry into the machine as I go and sip on a Montauk Pumpkin Ale. 10pm—J. arrives home from work and fills me in on his day. He will be at work late again tomorrow but we make plans to go out as soon as he is home to kick off my birthday weekend. He heads to bed after our short chat. 12am—wrap up work for the night and head finally head to bed. It will only be a brief reprieve. Thursday (Spent = $0) 5am—get up and get right back to work, copious amounts of coffee in hand—this insane crunch is every Wednesday and Thursday for me. Put on make-up, get dressed and presentable for Zoom about 20 minutes before the call starts. 8:55am—Presentation is cancelled five minutes before it is supposed to start. Grumble... Decide to go for a morning walk since I have already been up and working for hours. Tune into NPR and scroll the Athletic and the NY Times as I walk. 9:30am—email our senior staff on whether they prefer to receive my presentation deck in lieu of the meeting or if I schedule something off cadence. I don’t really expect to hear anything—the same meeting was cut off last week before I presented and they didn’t respond. Really makes me feel valued (that is sarcasm.) Re-organize my schedule for next week and set up process calls with my cross-functional partners.. 11am—all company all hands meeting, filling us in on the status of the company’s reorganization. I am just trying to hang on for retail to get better and make it to the period when all my deferred compensation (and retention bonus for staying through the reorg) can be paid out to me at this point. 12pm—weekly meeting with my team member L.. We each cover one silo of the business and this is where we share what is going on to see if there is anything global and coordinate joint projects. FIll her in on an ongoing legal issue impacting our work in detail since she hadn’t heard the details. 1pm--resume work for the rest of the day. There is still too much to do and no time 6pm--talk my evening walk (only 21 squirrels today, still seems like too many), heat up leftover chicken parm and noodles and get back to work--I always try to get ahead of the next week but it is always impossible because the pile of things undone just grows.. J. doesn’t get home from work until 9. We turn on Netflix while I keep working until I am basically dead. 1am--pass out on top of my bed without brushing teeth. Friday (Spent = $175) 10am--I have the day off today since my birthday is coming up and yet it still doesn’t seem like enough to make up for the rest of the week. J is home all day and decides to eat breakfast outside and play video games for most of the morning. Today is payday for me, so I add an extra donation to the local food bank for the month. ($50) 12pm--lunch a small lunch of fancy cheese and sausages while J watches me play the Sims. I find running the lives of my fake family very soothing after a long week. 3pm--take a very long walk with J around the big 4 mile loop in our neighborhood. My bad knee aches by the time we get back and we resume vegging on the couch but decide that we can crack a beer since it is already the weekend for us. 6pm--shower and get ready for the night. We decide to go to a local restaurant for dinner. Since we basically never leave the house anymore, I dress like a peacock whenever I do now--I wear a fully sequined midi skirt with a bright purple oversized sweater over it and cat eye eyeliner since eye make up is the only makeup now. Nice change from sweatpants all day. 7pm--Sit outside several tables from the next guests at the local Irish pub. We love to listen in on other people’s random conversations and the other people are on fire tonight--one girl claims she is only allergic to high fat foods and the only guy at the table is wearing a MAGA hat and claims that he knows that a local bar is involved in sex trafficing..so pretty standard Long Island people watching. Dinner comes to $80 with 100% tip because we had our favorite waiter tonight. 9pm--we stop in a small biergarten that is on the walk home. The bar attached to it is always packed over capacity with people (maskless) but since the weather is cooler, we are one of only three sets of people sitting outside. We order a few rounds of pumpkin beers and talk until they close. ($45 with the tip) 11pm--bedtime Saturday (Spent = $195) 8am--get out, get caffeinated and hop in the shower. We are meeting a friend in NYC for a goodbye brunch--she is moving across the country and we haven’t seen her once since the lockdowns started in March. Wrap my hair up to towel dry for a bit while I do a little cleaning. 9am--spend over an hour blowing out my hair and getting ready and we start the drive into Queens. I am wearing a black and white polka dot maxi dress and bright green glitter eyes. 11am--arrive in Astoria, park the car and make the long walk to the rendezvous point. I haven’t crossed the city limits since Covid started and it feels weird to walk around the neighborhood I used to live in while everyone is wearing masks. 12pm--meet up with A. at brunch spot. We have to wait for a few, and service is slow but we order way too much food and way too many drinks and talk non stop. I am really going to miss her so much. We pick up the check ($175 with tip) 5pm--We walk A back to her apartment and say goodbye. I insist on a hug, social distancing be damned, because I don’t know when the next time I will ever see her. J and I are still a bit tipsy from the drinks, so we walk to Astoria Park to watch people and sit looking out at the city as the sun sets before driving home. I missed that place. 7pm--go to Taco Bell drive thru for a giant sack of hard tacos on the way home ($20). Turn on TV and chill for a little bit while trying to finish our Parks and Rec re-watch before it leaves Netflix. 11pm--Lights out. Sunday (Spent = $797) 9am--wake up slightly hungover. Definitely didn’t drink enough water yesterday. Go downstairs to find my husband has already made coffee for me with creamer and sugar. 10am--decide to do some online shopping. We broke our toaster (only took 16 years for it to bite the dust) so I order a new one from Macy’s ($200.) Glossier is having one of their rare sales (plus 10% cash back on Rakuten!) so I stock up on multiples Brow Boy and mascara while I can get a discount and decide to throw a bunch of their liquid eyeshadows in my cart to try out ($285, ouch). I order my weekly groceries for delivery from Freshdirect--this week is a big week. Stock up on more pumpkin spice oat milk (because I am a basic fall bitch), almond milk, veggies, chicken breast, yogurt, some quick premade freezer meals and a ton of fridge packs of Coke Zero since my husband is WFH this week and he drinks this like water all day ($212 with 25% tip) 1pm--Watch J play video games for a few hours while I clean. Set up a fundraiser on Facebook for my birthday to support IRC and donate $100 to get the ball rolling. 5pm--Log into work. No rest for the weary--my normal presentation has been pulled up a day which is a big deal considering the time we spend doing this analysis and when the data becomes available for us. 8pm--stop working and make flank steak and mashed potatoes for dinner. I try to rush the mash and fuck it up. My grandmother is rolling in her grave, cursing me in Irish for this mistake. Get right back to work as soon as I am done eating, but crack open a bottle of wine and turn Parks and Rec back on in the background. 11pm--Bedtime! Monday (Spent = $0) 5am--get up, take a shower without washing my hair, get ready and get caffeined. J is home this week and we take a walk before starting work. 7am--log in to work and get cracking. The vast majority of the data I need for Wednesday didn’t become available until today so I know I have a hellish ride ahead of me. Pull, pull, pull. 11am--first meeting of the day. Get asked to urgently pull one of the things I was going to prep for Wednesday for literally as soon as humanly possible today. There will never be enough caffeine. 12pm--TB with the manager. She yells at me for not having “anything at all done.” She ignores when I point out that due to our three day processing window that today is literally the first day a huge chunk of this could even be started. Questions one of the reports that she herself built and tells me that I must have “messed up the formulas.” This is the first time I had to pull this, previously called out that things looked off and was told to not touch anything at all. 2pm--next meeting. Get another “need this yesterday” request from the manager. Does not provide any context so I have to contact several people myself and find out that she misstated the request. 3pm--I have checked the report (plus all previous versions of the file and all of the versions of it that she built for the other brands) and every last one of them is wrong in multiple places. When I bring this back to her, she does not acknowledge the mistake in any way and still claims I “changed it”--which doesn’t explain why the same report is wrong for the other business silos. 4pm--back to my actual work. FInish the urgent request and send it to the manager to approve as required. She argues that none of this is needed and I should not send. This was directly requested by senior leadership so no,I am sending it to them. Refuses to approve. I send it anyway and forward the communication between my manager and I to HR. 6pm--Office 365 crashes. What a disaster. Regain access at 8pm and resume work. 8pm--eat can of Spagetti-O’s while working.. 11pm--finish second urgent request. Keep working. 2am--nowhere near done but I need to sleep at some point.. Tuesday (Spent = $56) 6am--Happy birthday to me. Did I even sleep? Am I even awake? J kind enough to make me espresso with our moka for extra caffeination this morning. Read the newspaper and chat with J for a while with J. 7am--check email to find multiple emails of praise for my work on the project my manager didn’t want to pass along. Manager chimes in trying to take the praise because of course she did. Answer follow-ups. 8am--start working on the presentation deck for an early meeting tomorrow. Urgent project will not be included because it was essentially covered yesterday and there is no new data. 9am--TB with the manager. She is furious that I sent along the urgent project. I record all Zooms with her due to our ongoing conflicts. Point out to her that literally an hour ago she was trying to take credit for that work that she hated so much. Manager hangs up on Zoom. 10am--resume working on decks. Pinged by co-worker with a few questions and take some time to answer them and commiserate over how we both need to GTFO out of here. Back to back meetings, then back to work. 4pm--Second TB with the manager, who is ready to go to the mats and comes out swinging at me. Presentation is not even discussed. I am extremely candid about how disappointed i have been in her since returning from furlough--she has ignored calls, stolen work, blamed others for her mistakes, barely engaged with the junior team members (leaving it to me to manage them essentially) and that she still has not provided clear roles and responsibilities for what the team should be doing since our team was restructured. I am very clear that I am extremely frustrated as it is clear she has no intention of developing people, promoting people, or even setting people up to be successful because she is not willing to listen or change, nor even set a good example as a leader. By the time we finally get around to my work, she says she doesn’t want to see it anymore. 5pm--log off for a while. Husband goes out to get beer and snacks for the debate while I cry. ($20) 6pm--My parents got me flowers for my birthday and they just delivered them, sob some more but at least for a different reason. Call them to thank them and my mother uses some classic Irish profanity regarding my boss. 7pm--order pad thai for dinner ($36 with tip.) Tune into the pre-debate coverage, edit MD and cry some more. 9am--debate kicks off, log back into work and finish my presentation while seething from eight kinds of anger. 12am--Finally bedtime. Total Spent = $1303.55 Food/Drinks = $376 Groceries = $212 Charity = $150 Shopping = $485 Other = $80.55 (Hopefully I didn't miss a sum in there, it's been a week and it's only Tuesday...) This is definitely a very very spendy week for me, between the goodbye brunch, the birthday spending and everything else. I had intentionally selected a week where I knew I would spend a lot of money just to see how much it would be at its worst. I am not surprised that the majority was concentrated on the weekend--I don’t really have time to spend money during the week since I am too busy! When I look back at this diary, the first thing that I am struck by is how much I really need to leave my job. It is really easy to be mad in the moment and then decide to plow through because you need the money or the health insurance and thus you normalize the misery, but it was terrifying to see how many hours I managed to put in during a four day work week, and how much chaos my team really is in. There is no way a person can live like this without an eventual collapse. This is just reinforcing that I need to focus on finding a new job and making that my highest priority. It is making me miserable--I am not sleeping, I have gained a crazy amount of weight, and my body constantly hurts because all I do is slump over a desk all day. I dread when I have to add my two hour commute back into the mix.
2020.09.30 00:27 mig21greaterthanf16I like the confidence !
Abdul Samad on his debut was not hesitant to smash nortje and rabada. Granted he couldn't get runs off Rabada, he still seemed unfazed, something I always envied of younger players like Pant. Unfortunately Abhishek gets to play 2 balls every match but he also seems like a confident lad in contrast to seniors like Saha who take 31 balls to settle. Seems like Bairstow has also lost a bit of his confidence this season.
2020.09.29 22:23 KindleCandleCan I get some advice? Wtf is wrong?
My wife (23) and I (24) have been married for 11 months. We met just before starting at the same university and dated through all four years. I chased her for a couple months in the beginning before she jumped into a relationship with me. I thought she was very beautiful and we share very similar humor, etc. during that initial period of about a year or two we were obviously very infatuated, often spending hours in her car just talking and cuddling. You get it. All four years were fine. There were a couple downs but things were generally smooth. One such issue was her complaining a few times that I wasn’t affectionate enough to her. Another was our difference in faith (I don’t value it as much but we both respect eachothers’ views and have pretty much gotten over that I think). I do want to point out at this time that she was a virgin, and I had been with two girlfriends as a teen. I had quite a voracious sex drive as a teen and I loved sex. I also liked porn. She has always been more religious than me and wanted to wait to have sex. I obliged because I thought she was a great woman who was worth waiting for. We did do oral and touched eachother during our dating years. We had a lot of fun together and we fancied ourselves a great match. Eventually future prospects came up and we both expressed interest in marriage, house, kids, whole nine yards. She was my rock during my tumultuous academic years (I studied a difficult subject and struggled with a lot of anxiety) and I valued her greatly. Fall of my senior year rolls around and she has since graduated early. She’s eager to get married and get her dream of being a wife on the road. She wants to marry soon after I graduate. I was hesitant because I believed that we should track down jobs and a place to live first. I have always been the more realistic/practical one and I was in no rush. She already had a job at this point and I was able to line up a job with a start date the Monday after my graduation. Well, I proposed during that last semester, she accepted, and we set up a date and a venue for the following October. I was able to find an apartment with a move in date for around that time. We get married, things are good. We spent a night in a nice hotel on our wedding day but we didn’t have sex because she felt overwhelmed (sex was always a huge deal to her due to her piety). I totally get it, no problem, we have our whole lives to have sex. We eventually had sex and it was admittedly lackluster. All of the sudden, sex wasn’t as awesome as I remembered it being. After we had sex a few times her libido started increasing, her taste for sex eventually surpassing mine. That’s fine, not a terrible problem to have right? Five months into the marriage and things have been fine/stable other than sex being somewhat of a struggle because she wants it more than I do and I was pretty confused as to why I wasn’t doing it like a rabbit after waiting so long. Other than that we had been having a good time and were getting along great. At the five month mark something happens inside of me. I felt disillusioned. Bored. I felt that odd “love but not in love” thing, although there is no one else in my life. No other woman. She isn’t exciting me, I don’t feel much desire. Occasionally I feel like I wished I dated around more. This makes me panic. Why do I feel trapped? No bad event or blowup has occurred to cause this. I can’t explain it or come up with an explanation for the way I feel. Here I have this beautiful woman who loves me unconditionally, sweet and smart and loyal, she cooks, she cleans (we split our chores evenly btw), she’s affectionate, considerate, the whole nine yards. What am I missing? I felt lost, aimless, and I didn’t really feel like I have any goals. I immediately set up an appointment with a MC. This is a big deal and something isn’t right. Multiple months, can’t figure it out. Why do I feel like we are (merely) roommates? Swapped counselors, found a better one. We touch on my traumatic childhood (alcoholic mother). We took a shotgun approach and attacked any possible cause including possible decreased libido from years of taking SSRI’s. Nothing seems to be getting better, but encouragement seems to help me feel better. fast forward a few months and my anxiety has lessened. I don’t feel so antsy or restless. I no longer feel trapped and I’m not freaking out about it anymore as these feelings have largely dissipated, but we are still working on it with that MC (although the appointments are now monthly-ish). I still don’t desire sex with my wife much. I do if I pump myself up with some dirty talk or a peek at some porn. If we start getting into foreplay I can work up to it and then it’s fine, but afterwards I don’t want to cuddle like she likes to and I kinda just want to move on. I am not sure if this is the core issue though, because what’s more concerning to me is the lack of passion, romance and affection I feel toward her. I want to miss her when I go to work. I want to want to come home, sweep her off her feet and cuddle with her in bed first thing when I come home, but I just don’t want to like I feel I should. That’s not to say we never cuddle, it’s just that it’s kinda “meh” for me and she usually initiates that. I feel like we are great friends who occasionally have sex. I have put off talks about having kids or buying a house because I want to figure this out as a priority and a prerequisite to those things happening. Hell, I’m struggling to want kids at all right now (I have expressed this and she is adamant about sticking with me whether we have kids or not). I want to be responsible. Right now, when I think about jumping into those things I feel really anxious. TLDR: My wife is a GREAT wife. She loves me very much (and I love her, wouldn’t ever want to hurt her), she treats me very well. We have fun. We play fight, laugh, we don’t usually run out of things to talk about, we have been having sex about once per week for most of the marriage. I enjoy my time with her. But i feel like I’m missing something... passion? Excitement? I don’t feel affectionate and seldom initiate intimate touch. I kinda want to do my own thing for a while most days before hanging out with her. I’ve read similar stories here on reddit and it makes me feel hopeless and scared because pretty much none of them turn out well. I have dug around in my own mind clawing for some THING I’m missing but can’t pull anything tangible out. Do I not know what I want? Did my years of porn use desensitize me? Am I just too young? Is this part of the notorious first year of marriage? Am I just... not into her or something? That’s terrifying. Are my expectations off? Is marriage just... bland? Am I not putting in enough work? EDIT: For the record, I don’t fantasize about cheating, and I have not experienced any emotional affairs or anything.
2020.09.29 21:34 TemporaryAd9019How likely is Columbia Law to actually read the reflection essays I had to write in my disciplinary report?
I just had my undergrad mail my disciplinary record to me, which I wasn’t too concerned about. A couple of minor substance violations freshman and sophomore year. What I didn’t remember was that they had me write reflection essays about poor decision making in my life, mostly related to substances. In the essay, I mention that I lost my spot on a track relay after showing up to practice hungover (senior year of high school) and smoked pot often in high school. The essay was basically about how I was trying to mature and recognized the consequences of poor decision making. Realizing I should put school first and social life second, blah blah blah. I’m super not thrilled that 18 year old me admitted to smoking and drinking in high school on an essay that I now have to send to Columbia. Do you think Columbia is likely to even read those attached reflection essays, or will they just check the reports to make sure my C&F disclosures match my record? These essays certainly don’t reflect well on who I was back then (that’s part of their point I guess), but they are remorseful.
SECTION ONE: ASSETS AND DEBTS My 401k + Roth IRA: ~$35,000 - I’ve been saving at least minimal amounts since the beginning of my career, but this is mostly the last two years of contributions after paying off my student loans Husband’s 401k + Roth IRA: ~$8,500 - Prior to his salary tripling in the last year, he wasn’t really able to contribute since he’s still paying off student loans Equity: $0 - rent life! Individual Emergency Funds: $20,000 - We each have $10,000 in our names only just for the sake of it Joint Savings: $35,000 - We were supposed to be getting married this summer but then COVID happened Checking account balances: $700 - We both tend to keep this less than $500 Car loan: $24518 Credit card debt: $0 - we pay these off in full each month Student loan debt: $0 for me (paid off last year), $10,000 for my husband. Will pay it off in full right before interest starts again. [Note: My husband and I both also have stock options in our companies but I don’t include them because not many have vested and none have been exercised. If they were all vested and exercised today though that’d be another $100,000+ in net worth.] SECTION TWO: INCOME Income Progression Mine:
Company A: $10/hr (~$35,000)
Company A: $12/hr (~$40,000)
Company B: $45,000
Company B: $47,500
Company C: $65,000 + $10k bonus
Company C: $75,000 + $10k bonus
Company C: $85,000 + stock options
Husband’s: He makes $85k annually too and will receive $25k in guaranteed bonuses. He was freelancing before this making like $36k annually. Monthly Take Home: Mine:
Gross pay: ~$7,000
401k: ~$1,700 (This is 24.0%, then my employer matches 100% of the first 3% then 50% of the next 2%, all immediately vested)
Net pay: ~$4,000
Gross pay: ~$7,000
401k: $0 (his employer is switching providers)
Taxes: ~$2,000 (our withholdings are set differently)
Net pay: ~$5,000
SECTION THREE: EXPENSES Here’s how my husband and I organize our monthly expenses in YNAB categories and the bullets are everything that gets folded into them. They’re all guesses/based on YNAB averages from the past year. We’re lucky that we make enough money to not actually have a strict budget. (Not so) Necessary Spending
Rent: $1,681 - we’re thinking of moving to a $2,600/month two-bedroom but I keep convincing myself that we can’t afford it which seems ridiculous now that I just wrote the above
WateGas/Electric: $0 - included in rent
Phone: $0 - reimbursed from work for me, he’s still on his parents plan and they don’t care about being reimbursed so he usually forgets
Renter’s Insurance: $18.50
Jewelry insurance: $6
Spotify Family: $14.99
Hulu + HBO Max: $23.98 - We also already have Disney+ from paying 3 years upfront, we have Netflix from my parents, Youtube TV from his parents, and have Apple+ from a year-long free trial
Car payment: $435.34 - We just bought a brand new car that we could technically pay for in cash but the interest rate is less than 2% so we don’t mind making payments on it
Car insurance: $141
Pet insurance: $53
Pet misc: $100
NYTimes Crossword: $19.97 annually
Duolingo Plus: $160 annually for both of us
One Medical: $199 annually for me
Clear Family Plan: $146 annually - I wasn’t proactive enough to stop this from renewing even though we’re not traveling right now
Chase Sapphire Reserves: $900 annually - We’ve both had them since before the price went up; will probably cancel one of them by the time they renew if we don’t think we’ll spend at least $600 in travel next year
Just for Fun Spending
His Fun Money: $500
Her Fun Money: $500
There was a point in time where we found it useful to track eating out vs travel vs concerts/movies vs donations and all that jazz, but after one too many arguments about the allocations of those categories as joint expenses, we realized it was causing more problems than needed. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what we spend the money on, what matters is that we don’t spend too much. So I have free reign over my category, he has free reign over his, and anything we buy jointly gets split between the two. Savings
$5k - we're just throwing whatever’s leftover at the end of the month into whichever account makes the most sense
SECTION FOUR: THE DIARY Day 1 - Monday 8:17am - I am not a morning person, so I dread this moment every weekday, and postpone getting up by scrolling through my personal emails. I see one saying that 5 years ago today I tweeted “Philippians 4:12”. I don’t remember that verse so I look it up: "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.” Great reminder for the start of week. 8:30 - Finally force myself to roll out of bed, brush my teeth, throw on yoga pants and t-shirt, and take the dogs (mine and my in-laws’) on a walk. Because of the LA heat wave and our lack of A/C, we made a last minute decision to spend this week at my in-laws’ house. I check my work email on the walk and see that I was selected to be a mentor for a new mentorship program that I’m excited about - yay! 9am - 3:30pm - Non-stop meetings and emails. At some point I took a 10-minute break to eat a breakfast burrito, but otherwise I was pretty good at focusing for the first half of the day. 3:45pm - I suddenly realize I am reading Money Diaries. Oops. Back to work. 4pm - Jk, I remembered I need to go to the post office to drop off a family birthday gift to ship before 5pm. I buy a padded envelope and first-class shipping to make sure I can track the package, as I am endlessly paranoid. ($7.94) 5:45pm - I’m trying to get more casual with my boss now that I’ve joined the management team so I reply to his text with one that not only has a joke in it but an emoji 😂! Honestly was terrified to press send but he laughs at my joke back with two emojis!!! (🤪😆) A definite win! 7pm - This is the earliest I’ve stopped work in weeks! There’s always more scripts to read and notes to give and emails to send, but my carpal tunnel is flaring like crazy, I’ve had some wine, and I have a pretty open day tomorrow so no reason to work through the evening. 7:30pm - My husband made an incredible turmeric chicken with smashed potatoes for dinner based on a NYTimes recipe. I absolutely hate cooking so shout-out to my in-home chef!!! 11:11 - Make a wish! My husband and I still try to kiss the clock and each other at 11:11 both times a day. We usually miss it during the day, but if we’re in meetings, we try to text each other to let the other know what time it is. 11:30pm - After a shower (night showers ftw!), my nightly routine begins - 5 minutes of Duolingo, recording how I’m feeling in my health tracking app, long-form journaling, dot journaling, and reading. I started this routine at the beginning of August in quarantine, and I love it. Total: $7.94 Day 2 - Tuesday 8:57am - Roll out of bed, brush my teeth, throw on a dress, take the dogs on a walk, then to my laptop for work! 11:35am - While waiting for a colleague to join a meeting, my boss and I end up trying to see how many songs we can name whose lyrics start with the word Hello. We get five, and then when my colleague joins in he immediately throws in one more. 12pm - Morning meetings over! Check my email and see one of my former interns wants me to be her mentor for her senior capstone project in creative writing. I’m so excited to watch her grow, and I love mentoring so I immediately say yes! 1:15pm - During lunch, I update a draft of my Forbes 30-Under-30 application with feedback from an older colleague. I simultaneously hate talking about my accomplishments and love seeing them all written out in front of me as proof that working 60-80 hour weeks for the past 5 years has not been for nothing. 4:00pm - One of the best parts of my job is getting to have (or listen to others have) small-group discussions with pretty famous creatives. I’m so obsessed with who today’s meeting was with, I can’t even believe I’m luckily enough to be in the same (Zoom) room as them. 6:00pm - Check my personal email and see my recurring (twice monthly) Church donation went through ($102.02) 9:30pm - Right before my husband and I start our workout, I get a text from my boss asking if I can join his 9am with some execs in the UK. I say yes obviously but now that means I need to move my 9:30am with someone in South Africa, before my 10am about a production in Australia... 9:45pm - Back to our regularly scheduled couple workout, then I shower, and get back to work! 11:30pm - Stop work, start bedtime routine! Total: $102.02 Day 3 - Wednesday 7:57am - Scrolling through emails as I try to wake up, I see one of my colleagues was sending them at 2 o’clock in the morning. I truly don’t get how so many people in this industry survive on just 4-6 hours of sleep every night. 7pm - I absolutely CRUSHED my to-do list today so I don’t feel guilty taking a break to hang out with my friends (on Zoom) for an hour and a half. We’ve hung out every single Wednesday for the past three years. 8:30pm - Yeah, an hour and a half with my friends turns into me giving up on work for the night. Instead I cuddle with my husband and eat some ice cream while doing the NYT Crossword and finishing season 5 of Schitt’s Creek. Total: $0 Day 4 - Thursday 8:03am - Woke up before my alarm because we have some big things happening today! 1pm - In celebration of today’s accomplishments, everyone on our team is given a $30 allowance to order whatever food we want. I ordered ramen for delivery ($29.47 to be reimbursed) and take a 20-minute no electronics break to eat on the deck with my husband. 5pm - I see our automatic car payment went through ($435.34) 7:45pm - One hour dinner break discussing everything from the (lack of) partying habits of Gen z, crime rate trends, and ketchup on pasta before getting my laptop back out and clearing my inbox. 9:30pm - Workout night!!! My favorite part is also my dog’s favorite part - when it’s over and my husband and I just lie on our yoga mats panting while our pup licks our faces. 10:30pm - Once last document to review and send notes on before an ep of Schitt’s Creek and our bedtime routine! Total: $464.81 ($29.47 to be reimbursed) Day 5 - Friday 8:57am - Woke up as late as possible before getting ready for my day of meetings. Starting to regret telling my assistant that I don’t mind back-to-backs... 10:03am - The upper left part of my arm has been throbbing for an hour in a way that concerns me so I log-in to my One Medical app to do a video chat. I realize then that I turned auto-renew off so I actually have to reactivate my membership ($199) 10:25am - The wait lines are longer than usual because of COVID and I really can’t move my 10:30am meeting so I give up on getting a video appointment. 11:49am - Out of the meeting and realize my arm stopped throbbing and only hurts when I bend it. From experience, I think I may have slightly pinched a nerve, and I know that honestly the only cure is rest. However, this reminds me that I wanted to call my doctor about something else anyway so I leave a message for his assistant. 1:15pm - I’m absolutely exhausted so I take a 25 minutes nap during lunch. Thank god for WFH because back at the office I would find an empty conference room and sleep on one of the uncomfortable couches. Napping in bed is so much better. 4:34pm - I almost cry reading the essay my boss wrote about me to submit to 30-Under-30. He is an amazing leader, and I absolutely love working with him and everyone else on my team. 4:42pm - I actually do cry reading that Ruth Bader Ginsburg has died. Wow. No words. 6:28 - Having a hard time concentrating on work thinking about the impending demise of our country so I finish working early again today. 7:30pm - We have chicken tenders and wine for dinner and donate to ActBlue ($100) 9pm - A friend makes a Close Friends insta story about being sick and not being able to afford healthcare. I chat with her then Venmo her the amount for co-pays for her first two appointments** ($95)** Total: $394 Day 6 - Saturday 8:32am - On the verge of being awake I turn over and see my husband reading. I ask him what time it is and he says 8:32. I laugh and roll back over to sleep. 10:17am - Now at a more acceptable time, I wake-up slowly: cuddling with the dog, scrolling through emails and social media, and giving my husband a massage since we have a long drive ahead of us back to LA today and he’ll be at the wheel the whole way. 1:15pm - After cleaning up the house, packing, walking the dog, and a quick lunch we get on the road! 2pm - Have been on my laptop clearing my inbox and trying to get my weekend work out of the way, but I get distracted and into a Wikipedia rabbit hole after reading a logline about a Hasidic Jewish gang that torture husbands into granting their wives religious divorces. Learning about and sharing stories from different cultures is pretty much why I got into this industry so I find it fascinating. 4pm - We switch from music to podcasts for the next few hours and listen to Happiness Lab, Millionaires Unveiled, Hidden Brain, How I Built This, Cautionary Tales, and Thrilling Tales of Modern Capitalism (terrible title, good podcast). We stop for gas at some point ($46.66) 6:45pm - I see our Zola credits processed for things that never got delivered from our wedding registry so I spend the credits on three other things from our registry. Would have cost $84.84 without the credits. 7:15pm - There’s no food in our apartment so we order in from our favorite local spot ($74.70) and quickly run by the grocery store to grab the necessities (aka wine and ice cream) and end up also getting really cool new ice cube trays ($55.56) 8pm - We decide to watch Cuties because I want to see what the controversy is all about. I’m torn because I agree that the director’s choice in close-ups are uncomfortable, but I feel like I’ve seen equally bad child choreo on Dance Moms/Toddlers & Tiaras/Tik Tok and I’m glad the film is prompting the conversations it wanted us to have. 9:30pm - We said we were going to do our usual workout but we do not. Instead we drink more wine and eat ice cream and watch Schitt’s Creek until bed. Total: $176.92 Day 7 - Sunday 10am - Up to watch a livestream of Church. An incredible message on faith and hope and the future. My favorite insight was about the idea that humans don’t perceive time itself, we perceive change. And in this quarantine time when we all feel stagnant and locked up and unchanging, it’s harder to imagine a future and that is why it’s harder to have hope. 11am - While my husband goes grocery shopping, I throw on a Spotify playlist to start unpacking and cleaning up. I gave him the goal of spending less than $100 on groceries, and he succeeds on a technicality, spending** $99.33** on groceries and on $10.71 toiletries 1:30pm - While he takes the dog to get an allergy shot ($54.29) and a bottle of wine for our friend who got our mail while we were gone ($14.99), I sit down to do some work in hopes that it’ll prevent me from needing any midnight work nights this week. 5pm - It’s Emmy night!!!! Schitt’s Creek, Schitt’s Creek, Schitt’s Creek!!!! So glad we started binging this a month ago. 10pm - Better late than never for our workout before one more episode of Schitt’s before bed. Now that I know season 6 won so many Emmy’s I’m excited to finish the series! Total: $179.32 Week Total: $1,325.01
Food + Drink: $259.06 ($29.47 to be reimbursed)
Fun + Entertainment: $0
Home + Health: $209.71
Clothes + Beauty: $0
Car + Transport: $482
REFLECTION Spending-wise, this week felt fairly high but I know we don’t spend this much consistently and always end up on budget by the end of the month so I’m not worried. We essentially just maxed out our monthly donations earlier than usual, and this just happened to be the week of the month that our car payment went through. The biggest takeaway for me from this was that it just hit me that we should be able to save at least $50,000 a year, which was more than my husband even made gross last year! That’s exciting and means I should probably start thinking more concretely about our pre vs post-tax strategy and how much we should have in cash versus doing an end of year Backdoor Roth IRA.
2020.09.29 19:23 Notreallymyacct504th Installment of “You’re not as bad as you think"
Previous Installment: https://www.reddit.com/adultery/comments/j1i397/youre_not_as_bad_as_you_think_you_are_part_3/ A quick recap, I’ve now been in the “LS” for around 8 years. I’ve met some exceptionally fun, sexy people, befriended mostly local couples and an occasional SF. And there were quite a few learning experiences along the way. I feel it’s important that I paint the proper picture of my wife during this time as well. We now have two children. Both our careers are going great. I’ve made a couple of job changes. She owned her own business for much of this period. During good economic conditions, her business would thrive. Less so during down turns. She works hard, is very protective of her kids, loves her husband and is a lot of fun to be around. All my vanilla friends absolutely adore her. We had a tradition of taking a couple of family vacations during the year and then once a year a couples only trip. Our couples trips took us to tropical locales with beautiful beach and if there was a clothing options beach available, we were there. Like I said she was super cool, fun, sexy but, I wanted more. Oh, by the way, early in our marriage I was the primary “bread winner”. We bought our first home based upon my earnings. Later as her business began to boom, we built our dream home on some acreage just outside the city. During this time, I did well but, was more of an insurance provider. It never affected my ego and never was an issue for us. I just felt you needed the full picture. Because of the addition of a second child and how ideal my homelife was, I was again questioning my reasoning for engaging in LS activities. As I mentioned in part 3, part of the issue is I wasn’t having as much fun. The concept was still exciting, but the actual act didn’t always live up. My performance or worry about my performance was becoming a mental stumbling block. I’d take a little break but, would find myself back on the sites. It was during this time, I was contact by what appear to be a SF on one of the sites. I was always hesitant to meet SFs because I’d heard horror stories of the elusive unicorn and how kray kray some of them are. Based upon her profile I felt comfortable meeting her. It turned out she was part of a triad or what would now be called a throuple. We met for lunch and hit it off great. I loved hearing about how she became part of another couple’s life. We made a date for the following week to play at her place. I still had a company phone, so it was not a problem for us to freely communicate prior to our playdate. She was great to talk to. The date comes and we play. But, once again my performance wasn’t up to my standards. I felt comfortable talking to her about it. That’s when I learned of the miracle pill. And not the blue one or the yellow one either. Her male triad partner had discovered a pill that was being sold over the counter at GNC for male performance. Now, I’d tried OTC supplements in the past and none of them seemed to help. This one, however, had an unlisted ingredient, tadalafil. The same active ingredient in Cialis. She told me to purchase bottles that were dated before January of that year. I went online to research what she was telling me and sure enough she was right. There was a whole underground network of men commenting about VitaliKor. I called my local GNC stores and found one close to a gym I frequent. I think it had 25 pills per bottle. The next day my new triad friend booked a hotel not far from my office. I popped my first pill and met her at what would have been my gym time. Oh, did I get in a workout! I was as hard as I’ve ever been, and it stayed that way. I had to ask her when she was done and then finish myself. Now I know what Dr. Bruce Banner must feel like when he turns into the Hulk. I’m ready to smash!! In a flash, I’d gone from doubting if this is fun anymore to discovering a whole new level of fun. My confidence was soring. I hit the gym harder than I’d ever hit it. I watched my diet to the point it became a joke between me and my work colleague and vanilla friends. I change workout routines as well. I got significantly bigger and fitter than I’d ever been, and I was in good shape before! Then things took an even wilder turn. During this time, I was recruited away by a former colleague to work for a family owned business. The job that would require significant travel throughout my region. It was common for me to be on the road 10+ days a month. With my newfound LS confidence, it meant I could take the show on the road. And did I ever. I made a new connection on one of the LS sites with SF in a city that I would now frequently travel to. She was a schoolteacher by day and a semi famous LS expert by night. She had an extensive and impressive list of validations which, consisted of some of the hottest couples from the area as well as nationally. Soon after connecting I travel to her city. She agreed to meet me in my hotel room even though it was almost an hour away from where she lived (big city). She arrives and in walks this almost 6 ft tall brunette with a classic face and gorgeous body. Jack pot!! We proceed to chit chat but, quickly move into full on play. It was awesome and because of my new pills, I’m on fire. Afterwards we got dressed and I took her to dinner. We return to my room for round two. She ended up staying the night with me. The next morning, she gave me a peck on the cheek and said she’d had one of the funniest evenings yet in the LS. Wow! We continued our communications, however, it wasn’t like an affair in that you’re professing how much you want to see that person again and how you feel about them. It was more like a teammate talking about LS potential partners. She’d review profiles from the site and ask me what do you think about this chick or that couples, etc. It was exactly what I was looking for. She introduced me to other hot couples and I quickly became a go to SM for her connections. I’d hit the pinnacle of the LS. Well, as much of a pinnacle a non-single SM can hit. The pool party My unicorn friend had so many fun connections. Due to my circumstances (you know, being married) I wasn’t able to attend many of her events she hosted along with a semi famous SM friend of hers. Let’s call him G. By the way, when I say they were semi famous I mean both were frequent quest on LS podcast. They travel to events across the country and even internationally. Their party attendees were from all over the country. Prior to meeting her and G, I had no idea that this world even existed. The next 4th of July she and G planed a pool party at a couple friend’s place in a very wealthy part of their big city. Normally there’d be no way I could attend a party like this. However, this 4th was going to be different. My wife, my youngest child and my mother-in-law plan to travel to a family reunion out of town, three states away. They plan to take some extra time on the road. I had an important meeting for my new company and with limited vacation time it was decided that I’d stay home with my oldest child. My oldest child was a senior in high school and worked as a server at a local restaurant which meant working until late night holidays and weekends. As my wife was leaving town, I mentioned that some buddies of mine and their families were staying out at a local lake for the holiday and that I plan to join them. No big deal. All was fine and that means now I’m in on the pool party! I got up early the morning of the 4th packed my gear and hit the road for a 3-hour drive to the big city. I made sure to pick a route to the house without tolls. I arrive just before most of the guest started to arrive. The house was a modern architecture and clearly built within the last year or so. The living room was wide with full line high end sliding windows that open to square modern style pool. The pool area was semi-private meaning a neighbor across the alley from the back of the house had one second story window that could see into the pool. Fortunately, the shades were drawn on the window. There was a very nice outdoor entertainment area with a half kitchen and grilling area. The pool also had a nice built in square hot tub area. The upstairs rooms consisted of a larger gym area and several bedrooms including a master. Oddly enough, the owner’s bedroom was downstairs just beyond the kitchen. I later learn the owners design and built the house with their “lifestyle” in mind. Speaking of the owners, the wife was a late 30’s petite brunette that had some Asian ancestry in her background. She was beautiful and smart, a Doctor by profession. Her husband was cool enough. He didn’t quite seem to match her, however. He was in the pharmaceutical industry. Within the next hour most of the guest had arrived. Initially there were only a handful of people in the pool and all of them in bathing suites. None the less, these were some of the hottest people I’d ever seen and their all in one place. Wow! Soon after the drinks started flowing the clothing started coming off. It wasn’t long that every female in the pool area was topless. My unicorn friend had already told me she’d give me the signal when her core crew were going up to play. I recall I was setting next to the Asian Dr. and clearly, she was getting into me when I got the signal. I politely excused myself and followed my unicorn friend, G and two other couples upstairs. It was like a well lubed machine. They knew exactly what to do and when to do it. In some ways it was routine to them. As soon as we all got into the room everyone removed whatever article of clothing they still had on. Soon the ladies were on their knees moving from guy to guy. The one rule my unicorn friend had is I had to start with her. I didn’t have to finish with her just start. Over the next 45 minutes or so I had the most fun I’d ever had in the LS. Watching these amazing creatures pleasure each other, me pleasuring them and them pleasuring me was the absolute best. Toward the end of this first session the Asian Dr. showed up to watch us finish up. It was beyond HOT! So, if there’s a pinnacle then there must be a bottom, right? There’s only one way to go from here. Next installment, if you’re interested.
2020.09.29 19:17 jchukwuxiiGetting back together with an ex, especially when it’s long distance?
I know this question is asked a lot but please hear me out because I’m just confused right now as she is right now. Me and this girl started dating back in high school in June 2016 (she was a junior and I was a senior but I was 18 and she was 16 at the time, she also came straight from a different country). We dated until January 2017 and we broke up due to immaturity, lack of communication, and some petty stuff I take some responsibility for. We didn’t have any communication from February until June of that year we broke up and then she hit me up through my best friend but we would just end up exchanging messages sporadically and then just end up not speaking and then many weeks pass and then it would be sporadic communication and then once again no communication.
During our breakup I didn’t date anybody but she got a boyfriend in September 2018 but they ended up breaking up in August 2019. We probably only talked like once when she was in her relationship. But in late September 2019, everything changed. During this time (late September 2019), my grandma on my Dad’s side passed away and we had a wake keeping and I posted some pictures of it on Snapchat. She saw it and asked what the event was about and then I told her and she said her condolences. The next day she texted me again but this was the start of consistent communication. She was telling me that she misses me and such and that she still found me cute and handsome but I honestly wasn’t feeling her at that point and told her that I’ve moved on from that but said we can still be friends and then she said that she still had some hope for us down the line.
She also wanted me to come visit her at her school which was about a 9 hr drive from my school so I wasn’t for it at the time. But, eventually we just kept on talking and I noticed that I was actually catching feelings for her but I kinda kept trying to deny it. I was getting physically and emotionally attracted to her. What confirmed this feeling is that I noticed that I would actually be excited to FaceTime her, talk to her, would genuinely care about how she was doing and how she was feeling, etc. and I didn’t really have any real interest in other girls. I would find other girls attractive of course but I haven’t looked at other girls and had the motivation to go talk and get to know them since I started consistently talking to my ex again. I just felt a connection that I couldn’t feel with any other girl. The feeling felt mutual as she would also be happy to call me and such and would always make comments about my physical appearance and I would do the same. Fast forward a couple of months, I finally decided that I was going to go visit her at her school but I decided to fly over there instead of doing the 9 hr drive. I planned to go see her in March but the pandemic happen and indefinitely postponed our plan.
Luckily I was able to visit her just this past weekend as this was also the first time I’ve seen her physically since January 2017. We had a good time as she took care of me like pay for our lunch and dinner the first day I came (I paid for our lunch the next day), I met her friends, went with her to her modeling practice, go with her outside to take her dog out, and we did stuff that people in relationships do as we cuddled together while watching movies, when she would show me videos on her phone and while we would sleep, physically touch other (touch/slap each other’s butts, she would jump on my back to carry her when I wasn’t looking, tickle each other, hold hands for a short period of time, etc.),
and we even kissed. Also when we went to go meet her friends and we all sat down playing uno, sometimes when she laughed at something she would put lean her head on my shoulder and I would put my hand on her thigh so it didn’t feel one sided. Before she took me to the airport, we took pictures with each other for the first time since January 2017 and they came out cute as we were matching clothes as well. When I was flying back she was asking me have I eaten and told me to let her know when I returned home and she sent me a Snapchat picture of her saying “don’t go” with her looking sad.
When I told her I landed she said that we needed to talk and I already had a feeling of what it was about. When we talked she was like “why didn’t you leave one of ur shirts like I told u” as she just wanted some feeling of me being with her when I’m not physically with her, but I thought she was joking at the time she said that and then I said I could send it to her and then she kept changing her answer saying yes and then never mind. Then the conversation got serious as she said she didn’t even know if she wanted to sleep on her own bed because she kept thinking of us sleeping next to each other cuddling, and she also said that she was feeling confused because we were doing relationship stuff but we weren’t in a official relationship.
She didn’t really say why she called but like I said earlier, I kind of knew. I said “you were thinking about us being in a relationship again weren’t you?” And she said yeah but then she also said that she doesn’t know if she can do long distance because she doesn’t like the feeling of seeing someone she loves and then they leave and have to revert back to virtual communication and then have to wait to see them again in a couple of months (she feels this way about her dad). I can be kind of the same way but I’m more optimistic about it as I told her it can worth it at the end with patience and hard work and when it’s the right person.
She said she saw this coming about her feeling sad and confused but she was just also really excited to see me physically for the first time in a while and I was as well. We talked a little bit more and then just agreed that emotions were just high between us and we should just give it time and know that if it’s meant to be then it’ll happen. The plan was for me to visit next semester but to be honest, I don’t know if that will happen because I feel like she doesn’t want to go through this sad and confusing feeling again.
We’ve both grown since we dated in high school. I can admit that I had no business being in a relationship at the time but I know I’ve matured and she’s matured as well (I’m 22 and she’s 20 currently). What Are y’all’s thoughts? Should I send her my shirt anyway? Is this an emotionally dangerous situation? I knew the risks of being friends again with an ex and going to go see her physically but I was just following my heart and my gut.
2020.09.29 19:10 AngryGluttonVisit with Paternal Grandfather who does not support my Estrangement from JNM and that side of the Family. What to do?
I've posted in JustNoFamily a few times, but found this place specifically for estranged adult children and I'm like...whoa. My JNM is a real piece of work that I've been trying to understand for years now. I lived with her and my JNHS (JustNoHalfSister) most of my young life. I went from GC to Scapegoat in the first 5 years of my life. Also lived with several other step/half sibs and and JNM is on husband #3 (JustNoStepDad). All in all, from the time I was in 3rd grade to my Senior Year in High School was Hell. School is a touchy subject for me. I hated it; being bullied, loads of homework, no help from JNM...just a general disinterest that evolved into a sincere aversion to anything school related. I didn't do the work, didn't study and took JNM's "suggestions" with a grain of salt because she offered to help if I just asked. I asked, she never helped, so I stopped asking. According to JNM, in her words, she "tried everything from being nice and being mean and nothing worked. So off to see the mental health professionals who diagnose me with ADD (ADHD a bit later) and clinical depression. Was put, but not kept on meds twice, but nothing was "fast enough" for her or whoever she was married to. My BioDad was there for me, until JNM destroyed that relationship by manipulating the both of us, separately, against each other. For all these years I was being groomed to be what JNM wanted...an entertainer. I was on board with this too, because I enjoyed theater and dance. But eventually, because of JNM insistence on joining classes, I fell out of love with those. I once had an intervention because of school, consisting of several family members who just sat around and a half circle while my JNM pretty much talked and berated me for getting anything lower than a B. Things probably didn't get bad until after she married her third husband. What was supposed to be a new start for everybody (new school, new town, new house, blending family) turned into dysfunction. Despite being the eldest child, I was seen as the scapegoat by the siblings. This lets me being in charge only a handful of times when looking after all the younger siblings. However, because the siblings never actually listened when I was in charge, instead of finding them at fault I was found at fault. So my Golden Child JNHS was put in charge. So I started hanging out with my friends more often, another point of contention with JNM because she wanted me to be social and have more friends, only the later find out she didn't actually want me going to friends houses because that meant I wouldn't be around to do things like get bitched at or thrown under the bus. Anytime I try to keep myself busy from outside the house, even at the insistence of getting a job by JNM, only for that to turn into an issue as well. In High School now? JNM is now a lunch lady. Have a job? JNM was just hired as your co-worker. Finally at home alone? Psych! Her schedule almost matches yours and now she is home when you're home. You think with how many other siblings, I would not be the center of attention. But that was not the case. even though I was the scapegoat, I was still the eldest and was expected to probably take care of an elderly JNM later in life. I still don't know what was behind it all because she tried so hard to get me to do all this stuff. When I decided to quit theater and dance, you would have thought that the world was ending. Any other interest in any other hobby or learning any other skill was met with "you would have been better if you just stick with entertaining". So at my senior year, I decided to go out with a bang period I was getting pretty good grades on my own at this point because I was not following any of the rules that was laid before me by JNM. I was finally doing well and would never have to deal with school again. This was the point in time that JNM told me that she was done with my inability to do well and listen and that they were going to be consequences if I wanted to continue living under her roof. I reminded her that my grades were actually doing well, and that I was actually going to graduate on my own accord. "Be that as it may" she says, "it's too little too late. So you have a choice... ... Quit school, get a full-time job (50+ hours MINIMUM) and pay rent Or Move out. I didn't tell her my decision. I made it up in my head and as she was thinking that I was just mowing it over, friends of mine helped me formulate a plan. One night I wrote a note, explaining that I chose to move out and packed what I could. Went to school, did the thing, left school with my friends who I let into the house and we got my stuff out in record time...all in front of JNM who was taken aback at not only my decision, but was completely caught off guard because she never read the note I left. Oh well, play bitch games... This started VLC and the usage of my JNHS as a FM... until she leaves too, but comes crawling back and becomes FM again. Since then: •I became married to my DW (Dear Wife) and we have two LO, both boys. JNM refused to come because my Dad would be there. •Wife and I had LO1. Brought him to see her twice, only to feel that something wasn't right. •Birth of LO2 was difficult, as LO1 would not latch and DW had a C-section. Because of this, I quickly posted on Facebook that he arrived and left it at that to attend to my wife and child. JNM sent FM JNHS to text me, saying how horrible it was that I didn't tell them IMMEDIATELY that LO2 was here and that I should have called them first. I pretty much told her to f*** off, my son isn't thriving my wife is in pain and they come first. Mind you, VLC turned into VVVVVVLC at this point, so this turned that into NC (I just stopped caring. Screw family obligations; the only ever wanted contact to either mess with me like they've always done or get time with my sons, which I said Not without me.) •JNM didn't show up to any of the baby showers for the same reason she didn't show up to the wedding. in fact, the very few times you could have come to see me or anybody else she chose not to, always because my dad could possibly be around, even though they haven't spoken in a decade by this point. Idk why I kept it up for so long, but after NC, my JNHS put the nail in the coffin. Months ago, she sends me a pic of my Eldest, guilt tripping me for not contacting her but ODDLY admitting that she recognizes that we were at odds. So she knew damn well what it was about, but still needed to get the last word in. Literally, those were the last words because I went full on ESTRANGEMENT! No explanation to JNM, JNHS or anyone. Blocked most of my immediate and extended family on that side. NC for 3 years, now made permanent. They don't deserve my kids, or my wife, or ME. They don't deserve an explanation, as much as I would love to give them a piece of my mind. But that's what they want; Me to do or say ANYTHING to them so the whole process starts over. So I went silent. I'm in therapy. Doing well. My kids will never have to know the mental and emotional abuse of having to be the grandkids to that which of a woman. But in all honesty she could have been there the best freaking grandmother of those kids and I still would have gone no contact. It's pretty much just more emotional abuse when your mother can't show you the same unconditional love that she shows to her grandkids. It's a feeling that makes me uncomfortable when I see it with other families too, as I see another family member in particular who did the same thing I did, but was pretty much forced back into the family and now watches as the people that abused her treat the younger generations so much better. It's kind of sick if you ask me. The fun part though is having people still advocate for a relationship between me and JNM. My Dad's Dad, JustMaybeGrandpa, was the victim of my mother's issues when it came to actually be able to see me and pick me up when I still live with her. This guy, though? "that is your mother and you will treat her with respect and you should have a relationship with her". I shut that s*** down after I went into complete no contact and estrangement, so much as to say that anybody who tries to reconcile the relationship between my mother and I, for anybody that tries to send any information about my family to her or anyone else will receive the same treatment. So far that's worked, but my family is getting ready to visit JMGP and Grandma. I'm pretty sure he's going to bring it up. But aside from that, no real issues. Therapy has been helping me become a better parent and husband and I don't regret the estrangement at all. However, with this visit looming I can't help but wonder if JMGP's old-fashioned and generational thinking will collide with my personal decisions and cause some sort of fight. I have been NC with him and my grandmother before for other reasons, so he knows that I am serious with my decision cut off anybody else that tries to force me to reconcile. However, he has a habit of bringing things back up regardless, and as much as I would hate to break my grandmother's heart, I am full-fledged enough to do it. Any suggestions on how to talk to a conservative, former Air Force senior about mining his own damn business before it costs HIM family?
2020.09.29 16:57 tbl5048Am I the problem resident?
Some background: middle of the road MD school. Step 1: 219, step 2: 230, No failed 3rd/4th year rotations. No concerns throughout medical school. No repeats. No serious delinquencies or deficiencies. I got along with everyone with no interpersonal issues. Applied peds, matched high on my list. No top 10/renowned institutions. Loved the place. Was surprised I didn’t match my #1, but it’s okay. I knew I’d grow into it. Fastforward to the start of intern year. I start on outpatient and things go well. Feedback is about documentation, which I fix, and are told I improved. Next rotation: told I need to do better histories (in ED), which I attempt to do. Need to expand my ddx, which i do try to (even though i had a ton of URI, traumas, seizures..) Told I’m improving. Otherwise I’ve been doing well. Next rotation: H/O. I flounder. I’m the intern who spouts everything off like a fresh MS3. I didn’t realize there was a problem-based way to do this. Nobody told me. Until the end of week 1, which my attending kindly tells me is not the proper way to do it (nobody caught it until then??). I have problems with tasks (make a list with different color pen, do them immediately...). They had a senior come by and observe me and how I preround - and I had no issues there. Next week: problem based. Anemia? Consequence of chemo. Her counts are this which is improving compared to that. Needed no blood products. Think I’m doing well and piecing problem based assessments together. I’m learning a ton about cancer which is a career possibility. I’m attempting to get tasks done in timely manner. They had our chiefs come by and watch me - no issues. Then the end of week 2 happens. Thursday night I’m told I was below proficiency in the ED. That I might have to redo the rotation depending on how I do in the next rotation(s). I was floored. The next morning I meet with the H/O program director. Similar story. I realize that residency is a steep learning curve. And I’m supposed to be learning. And a workhorse. And I’m fucking behind it somehow already. Is it covid? Am I stupid? Is it because it’s a new system? Am I actually at risk for fucking up? I dread every email I get from somebody. I dread my Thursday meeting with my PD. My feedback has been overwhelmingly negative, for the first time in my life. I’m not used to failing so bad.
2020.09.29 16:39 MotherofDingDongs[Discussion]: when is it ok to euthanize a dog?
When is it ok to euthanize? Recently, my sisters senior American bully, has suffered irreversible kidney damage from leptospiros that is not prevented by the vaccine. She used to live a relatively lavish life, with her own bedroom and constant love and affection. She was adopted from a local shelter about 5 years ago, and is very animal aggressive but an amazing family pet overall. She was overbred in her former life and has on and off struggled with incontinence, but it was manageable. She is a super regular visitor at her vets office, even having monthly grooming appointments to keep an eye on her allergies, typical bully problem. On top of leptospirosis, she has a tail injury that requires amputation, but cannot be done until lepto is cleared from her system. Here is the dilemma: she has a tail injury that requires amputation, she is incontinent and constantly drinks water and pees because of kidney damage from the 3 months that her vet could not confirm a diagnosis of lepto and it is unmanageable and is causing severe stress and mental anguish for her family, she has arthritis in her back and joints that leaves her unable to move much, she has previously battled horners syndrome but it has been treatable at this point. My sister has a baby and the peeing has become unsafe for the family, causing isolation of the dog. The constant cleaning and smelling pee has caused the family to resent her, even though it’s not her fault. At this point, the vet is out of ideas to help the incontinence and constant drinking water. On top of that, she is estimated to be 13+ years old. My sister feels rehoming is not an option due to her severe animal aggression and current health issues. At what point do you consider euthanasia more humane than the current situation? My sister is not having that conversation at this point, but I think that it will come up soon if this is going to be the new normal. Edit: she already was wearing diapers for incontinence, but even with several diapers and clothes on, they’re not match for her constant drinking and peeing. Vet said not to limit water and she has gone to drastic measures like breaking doors and emptying toilets to get water
2020.09.29 12:53 Yanksfan28gg22 year old never had a gf no luck online
Hi. I’m a 21, about to be 22 year old senior in college. I’ve never been kissed, never had a girlfriend, never done anything. 100% virgin. I don’t think I’m ugly but I guess I’m also not what most girls would consider “hot.” Anyway for the longest time the fact I had never been with anyone never bothered me. Maybe it’s cause I’ve always had problems with my self image/self esteem and simply never talking to girls was my own subconscious way of avoiding ever getting rejected/hurt. So during quarantine I decided to download tinder for the first time. I’m not sure what made me do it. Maybe boredom. Maybe the fact that I finally realized I’m not getting any younger and every year that goes by I fall further and further behind the eight ball. Maybe both. Regardless, in the approximately 5 months I’ve been on it, using it just about every day (other than a brief period where I got frustrated and deleted it), I’ve had little to no likes/matches. I’ve talked to many more girls over snap chat, having gotten their snaps from their tinder bios and those usually fizzle out fast. I even tried a super boost on tinder recently and once again got almost nothing. I’ve downloaded every other dating app you can imagine and have had even less luck on those. I don’t know why it is I’ve had such bad luck online. I know I have a problem with talking to girls for sure. Whenever I connect with one via social media I find myself falling into the same pattern of playing 20 questions with them, as if I’m interviewing them. I know this is not the way to go about things if I want to hold a girl’s interest but I literally do not know how to flirt. I have exactly zero experience with it. I have almost no experience interacting with girls in general. Girls don’t give me the time of day. I’ve never noticed one looking at me or anything like that in my life. My friend keeps telling me I need to get out to some of the social scenes that are open in NYC where I live close to but the idea of approaching a girl in a public setting absolutely terrifies me. What if I don’t know what to say? I have to think on my feet whereas on social media I can take all the time I need. If I can’t do it online how could I possibly do it in person? I realize at this point that trying the old fashioned way may be my best best, but I’m afraid that my insecurities will continue to hold me back, the years will keep going by and I’ll never find someone who’ll want me. I’ve truly gotten lonelier and lonelier as this year has gone by and I can feel a sense of hopelessness starting to set in. I don’t want to go back to that place I was for 21 years having never conversed with a girl in any type of meaningful way. I would like some advice on what to do next. Why can’t I get anyone on dating apps to like me? How do I learn to talk to girls in a way that will get them to like me? How do I get over these debilitating insecurities that are driving me to miss out on my prime dating years? Any and all advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
2020.09.29 10:04 ihateithere07Chance Me: Asian Girl (decent extra-curriculars and good grades but very stressed out)
Senior applying to top colleges (class of 2021). Also, please add any colleges that you would recommend. I'm looking for urban small liberal arts schools, but I don't mind bigger colleges as long as they don't have a stiff core curriculum. Demographics:
Race/ethnicity: Asian (Taiwanese)
Type of school: Public School in Low-income community (California) (Immigrant (GreenCard)) (Low-Income)
Intended Major(s): (1) Philosophy, (2) Political Science, (3) International Relations SAT/ACT: Not turning in SAT, but if I get to take the ACT, I"ve done practice books and I can at least get a 31. GPA and Rank:
4.0 Weighted GPA: 4.75
4.0 Unweighted GPA: 4.0
Rank: 3 of 532
Human Geography 5
World History 4
Physics 1 Algebra-Based 3
English Language and Composition 4
Chinese Language and Culture 5
US History 5
This year's (Senior) course work:
AP US Government
AP Environmental Science
AP Spanish Language and Culture
Criminal Justice (Normal)
Honor Roll (9-12)
Top Scorer on Academic Decathlon Team (10-11)
AP Scholar with Distinction
Superintendant's Honor Roll (A's for three years)
Mock Trial (never won anything) (9-12) Captain
Key Club (Officer of the Month) (9-12) Vice President/Division Secretary
Academic Decathlon (10-12) Captain
Tennis (9-12) Co-Captain JV
National Honors Society (10-12) Treasurer
California Scholarship Federation (10-12) Treasurer
AOC Campaign (12) (Summer)
Greenpeace Leadership Program (12)
Jackie Fielder Campaign (12) (Summer)
Debate Club (12) FoundePresident
Kumon (Job) (11-12)
Letters of Recommendation: (probably pretty good)
Counselor: I don't talk to her very much, but my brag sheet is very detailed
English Teacher: Was her student of the year, likes me
US History Teacher: The only one who participated in his class + only one who got a five on the AP test.
Essays: (decent, but not masterpieces)
I won't post them here but I plan to include the following:
My low-income background and how I helped my family during harder financial times.
COVID: I was accepted to my local representative's youth leadership council, but it was canceled. I had to take on a tutoring job in order to help my parents with the pandemic.
Brown University (Dream School) (Philosophy)
UC Los Angeles
UC Santa Barbara (Match School)
I'm doing the Questbridge Match Scholarship so I can't apply ED to anywhere
So my dad makes $75,000 a year for a family of 4. Is this too much to be elegible? I have my twin that is also going to be attending college and I put that in my additional info, as well as my dads company change and big purchase he has to make if he wants to continue working well. What do y’all think? Also prayers would be appreciated for my sister and I. I pray at least one of us gets matched to relieve some of the financial stress my family has :( Plus my SAT score is a 1070, so I’m afraid that hurts me too. I’m ranked number 1 of my senior class and only have 2 Bs on my transcripts while being in IB. Opinions anyone? I need help
2020.09.29 05:18 microscopicfrogShould I transfer out of SOM this early?
Hi! I’m a freshman in SOM and I plan(ned) on getting a BBA in Finance. I’ll give a little bit of background on my educational choices and then why I do not like SOM. My HS had majors and I was a physics major. I loved physics a lot because I was constantly learning something new, challenging my own beliefs, solving difficult problems and mastering complicated topics. Except I wasn’t very good at it, and I know that to get a good job in physics you need to be REALLY good. I took economics in my senior year and I was a natural. I was very good at it and everything came easy. It was easy but still interesting. Around the same time I got interested in mortgage loan servicing and decided I’d take the SAFE Exam and become an MLO. You don’t need a degree to be an MLO but I figured if I was going to do that with my career my education might as well match that, and I seemed to “get” finance and I was evidently very good at economics so I applied to SOM. But so far I hate it here. It’s too easy so far. It’s so boring and I have TOO much free time. I feel like I’m not doing enough school. Most of the work I do is for Spanish and Anthropology. I know that SOM eventually gets really difficult, especially for finance majors, but I’m afraid it won’t be the kind of challenge I enjoy. It was incredibly gratifying to solve a challenging physics problem. It seems like busywork when I’m completing a challenging finance task. It also doesn’t help that I am surrounded by a lot of obnoxious people who make the very little learning I do unenjoyable. I miss my love for learning. If I choose to be an MLO, I don’t need a degree that killed my passion for education to be one. I’ve always been interested in going to law school and really enjoyed human/political social science in high school so I don’t HAVE to switch to physics, but that’s just an example of what I’ve had experience with and what I’m comparing my feelings about SOM to. Ok. Thoughts? Is it too early to switch since I’m a freshman and I’ve only been here for a month? Can SOM students perhaps vouch for the school and try to convince me it’ll get more fun? Or maybe a physics/PPL major convince me to join their side? lolll idk but i’ve been super upset ab this for a while thanks in advance
2020.09.29 04:46 drunksandmanCheck-In and Analysis From a 30-Something Feelin Kiiiinda Confident Financially
Sup savers. This is literally the most time I've ever spent on a reddit post. I was kind of having fun going through all my numbers and stuff. I'm hoping that by making this post and checking in financially in the way that some users do, some assurances and/or guidance can be received. Lucky to be feeling confident with finances lately, but haven't really had a true temperature taking yet. 34M (C) and 35F (D). Married 2017. Philadelphia, PA. My wife and I share all of our accounts. Both contribute into the same accounts, managed (enthusiastically!) by C. We both are lucky enough to work full time from home with no real concern about losing our jobs. C Employment 60K/yr as Technical WriteSales Associate for software company. Recent job switch after 8 years of being paralegal. 401K 3% match effective after 6 months (Dec 2020). Bi-monthly paycheck ~ $1950. D Employment ~72K/yr as Senior Medical Editor for [redacted]. 10+ years employed. Non-profit. Some sort of pension plan in place. Not a 403B. Not a 401K. Bi-weekly paycheck ~ $2000. Approx. monthly income: $7,500-8000, depending on how paychecks fall. Mortgage: $275,000.00 APR: 3.875% Monthly payment: $1,950 No car payment. 2007 Hyundai Sonata has dings and scratches, but is cared for. A new car is probably in the near future. No children. A child is probably in the near future. Probably a kid then a car. C School Loans $24,000. Paying off my student loans has been of paramount importance to me, for maybe, the past 12-15 months. I don't even know what my monthly payment is. I am throwing $825/month at them right now. I was at $32,000 this same time last year, and was making significantly smaller payments. whaddup rcnj ** D School Loans** None. C & D Savings & Investments - Savings: $22,000. This account used to be high-yield. /shrug/ - C Traditional Roth: ~$22,000. This was the rollover from approx 4 years of a 401K from a prior job at a law firm. At about 4K of the 6K limit for 2020. - Acorns (Investment): ~8K. I started this account many years ago and keep contributing. acorns whaddup My wife has a pension plan that is hard to articulate into the "investment" aspect of this post. She's paid in ~$78,000, but I don't know if she'll stay there until her retirement age or what. A lot of people are commenting that I'm way behind on my retirement, and while we are, I think we're less so considering this hard-to-quantify number*\* (Odd that both savings and Roth are almost at the same amount, tee hee) I (automatically) contribute $50.00 each week to these accounts, and generously save on top of that, especially lately. I will monitor the checking account on a near-daily basis and throw an extra $500 at the accounts, and determine how to split it depending on how I'm feeling. I figure, if my allocation is a little off, it's still all being saved between 3 accounts. As stated above, my new job offers me 401K at 3% match coming Dec 2020. Monthly Stuff Mortgage: $1950 C Loan: $825 Auto Saving/Investment: $600 Electric: fluctuates. Summmer's like ~$200, but now it's like perfect "no AC/heat weather" Water: $50 Gas: $~25-50 Internet: $90 Phone: $190 (will be $110 in Dec 2020 when both iPhones paid off) Car Ins: $160 (for 9 months) Groceries: $400-500/month. We hate grocery shopping but we like cooking. We allow ourselves to eat out if we feelin it. There's some other misc. stuff, like Spotify and Disney Plus, Amazon Prime once a year, but like, I don't need to account every penny in my monthly run down, because I'm feeling really confident now. We have one "family card" that ALL of our purchases go on. All of the expenses above (which can be paid with CC), groceries, Grubhub, clothes, games, gas, whatever. It all goes on this card which is paid in full every month. It hovers around $2,000-$3,000 usually. It hasn't been quite that high since we've been staying in. We do not carry a balance. Obviously when I say we have one family credit card, I mean two. Anybody who has Amazon Prime is snagging that 5% cash back. That's a given. We have the "family card" and the Amazon Prime CC. So realistically, my monthly appears as such: Monthy income: +$7,500-8,000 Mortgage: -$1,950 C Loan: -$825 Auto Saving/Investment: -$600 (low end) Credit Card(s): -$3,000 (high end) High end leftovemonth: +1,125 Low end leftovemonth: +2,625 When leftover in the checking account builds up, I throw it in savings or investment. I like a 2K buffer in my checking account, but unless paychecks are really wonkily-timed it sits at $3K-8K depending on auto withdrawals. My Personal Capital approx net worth is $132,000. My credit score is 803. 2020 Goals: - Max out C Traditional Roth - Get C Student Loan under $20,000. It was my intention to save vigorously and drop a big sum on the student loans before interest kicks back in in Jan 2021. Maybe pay some loans from the savings, dropping savings to like $15,000? 2021 Intentions: - Get D set up with a Roth IRA and try to meet $12,000/yr between D Roth and C Trad. - Maybe open a Roth IRA for C and contribute more to that than the Trad? - Figure out how to quantify D's pension at work into "retirement numbers. - Pay something more monthly on my mortgage principal. SoOoOoOo, like, am I on the right track to having the ability to maybe buy a $100,000 Pocono Mountain cabin second property in like 2-5 years and have a child/ren and not feel the existential crushing dread of not having enough money to support children, lives, passions, and hobbies? Guidance on any 2021 intentions, best practices, glaring issues, general input, concerns, clarifications, and praise are all welcome. Thanks. Vote.
2020.09.29 00:47 Novel_DressToo ambitious? A bad thing?
1st interview; Basic, with HR representative asking about salary, qualities, education and work experience to determine if I was a good fit for the position. Later called me same-day telling me that she would like to set up an interview with a future-supervisor. 2nd interview; Awesome! Talked for about an hour, super nice guy; very personable and explained the details surrounding the position very very well. Asked me about 15 different questions ranging from capabilities to personal questions. He gave his feedback to the HR representative who then later phoned me to congratulate me on passing the second round. 3rd interview; Really cool girl. She was a manager in charge of that specific department; which would be my immediate manager. She asked me to demonstrate my skills and how my past work experiences shaped me to the person I was today. She told me about the potential growth of the position and how if I was hard-working that progressing through the company would be an option. I really liked this! She also mentioned that associates were cross-trained to provide less stress to others when you needed help and that it also allowed for a more efficient workday. 4th interview; This was with the whole department manager; above my would-be manager but still not senior management. From the "good morning" she seemed to be uninterested in the interview, she seemed very cold as a person. She only asked me 3 questions. One about past experience, one about my education and the last question was about where I saw myself with the company. My response to this one is what made her choose the other candidate over me. I told her that I see myself growing with the company, after speaking with other coworkers I told her that I really appreciated that the company was offering on-the-job training and really invested in their workers. I told her that I saw myself eventually taking on more responsibilities if offered. WELL, She didn't like this. I got the feedback from the HR representative earlier today. HR representative: Hey ____! I'm sorry to inform you that she went ahead and chose another candidate over you but I would like you share your feedback with you for future reference. I said okay, I mean totally bummed out because I really really wanted this position, even tried teaching myself VBA to give me some leverage over entry-level candidates and researched the company for a good 2 weeks. She told me well, it's not a bad thing and I don't really understand but she said that you were too ambitious because your goal to learn and grow within the company apparently didn't match the job description. She then asked me to explain whether or not I thought I was too ambitious. I told her no, I simply told her my goal with the company was to grow, if she took my honesty and my goals as being too ambitious for a position which promoted growth within that role then I'm not sure why she thought I was too ambitious. And the HR representative asked what she had told me and I said well, she told me that the role did not have any promotion potential despite being told by the past 3 interviewers about the potential associated with the position. HR then said wow, I really hope she did not say that to everyone because in this company we invest in our workers so that they can grow with the company. Anyways, HR lady really liked me as did the other 2 interviewers so she passed on my resume for a different position. Same pay, different tasks but a foot in the door means everything at this point. I'm really fortunate to have given these people a good impression and hope that the ambition to learn and grow isn't seen as a negative at other jobs. tdlr; HR representative is working to get me hired in a different department because she really likes the qualities I possess and doesn't want to lose me to another company.
2020.09.29 00:06 will_sccAnyone else a bit confused by some of Bowyer's line-ups and substitutions?
Gonna preface this by saying I love Lee Bowyer and this isn't the start of "maybe we should get rid of him" talk that often follows new ownership. I'm a little bit confused by some of his line-up and sub decisions though. Looking at the game against Lincoln: we were obviously the better side but lacked finishing quality. First goal was just awful officiating; not a handball, maybe a penalty, and then definitely an offside. But that aside, we should have been able to score against Lincoln, especially with the chances we created. Bonne was abysmal all game; why doesn't Davison get a chance in the second half? He's decent for us in the U23s (which fair enough is a little different) and has looked good when we have played him in the senior team. Williams never starts; even if he can't do 90 minutes, why doesn't he start on occasion? He's not been overly impressive for us but he is a quality player and a creative one at that. I feel like only ever playing him in the last 30 minutes doesn't give his pace and creativity a chance to bare fruit. I'd rather see him subbed off after 60 minutes, or even at half time if his fitness isn't there, rather than coming off the bench when no one else has the legs to work with his pace. Doughty and Williams playing some short passes and making runs really only works if Doughty isn't knackered from sprinting the line for an hour already. Against Lincoln we were chasing the game. So we take off two of our creative midfielders who were making the chances and a solid centre back (Levitt, Oztumer, and Famewo) and brought on Watson, Williams and JFC? I don't get it. Watson makes sense to get some game time, and he's a quality player. But JFC has failed to look remotely useful since coming back from injury. Why wasn't Gilbey on the bench, if not starting? Pratley had been pretty shite that whole game. Why not sub Watson for Pratley, Williams for Ozzie and Davison for Bonne? If there was a fitness concern with Famewo, why not slot Pratley into defence (where he's been playing recently, albeit out of position) and bring Watson on in midfield. I assume there must be some fitness element but none of the players who came off looked massively tired, except Oztumer and maybe Levitt/Famewo who are a bit unknown. But then both Levitt and Famewo are 15 years Pratley's junior; I fail to believe they couldn't play 90 minutes whilst Pratley can (no disrespect to him). I feel like Bowyer is sometimes overthinking the season... It's like he's trying to save players for the next match, but we need to win the match that's happening first and deal with the next match when it comes. Or, maybe I'm way off and should let the man do his job. 😂
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